“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flows the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23
A life lesson in love that I learned at high emotional costs is to choose wisely who you give your heart to.
When I started blogging it was just a form of expressive therapy for me; however, after receiving testimonials on how other women could relate or how my truth helped them accept their truth I knew this wasn’t something I could just let fall by the wayside.
In all honesty, I’ve had three major relationships that all ended in heartbreak, but I don’t regret any of those relationships. I don’t regret giving my all or being loyal to those men.
Women have a tendency to fall in love with potential. An ambitious girl like myself will see a hustler and believe she can nurture him into being a legitimate stockbroker or a janitor a cleaning business owner. Seeing and believing in men wasn’t necessarily my issue. Who I chose to give myself to and invest in was the problem.
My last love took me through the ringer, whether it was through deception, unfaithfulness or lies; loving him was so easy even when trusting him wasn’t. I was trying to fulfill one of my childhood dreams, one of the biggest yet; which was to run for public office. Yet, I found the balance of maintaining a healthy relationship and running a successful campaign hard to do. If I’m going to be honest, I wanted to win really bad, but I wanted love even more. I had a hard time concentrating on the campaign because I knew he was cheating and I just couldn’t understand why, because I made she he knew and felt like he was a priority to me even in the mist of my dream chasing.
As fate would have it, I had a fundraiser in my hometown and met who at the time I thought was my knight in shining armor, but he turned out to be worse than all the men I dated. Not because he was a bad guy, nope, he was everything I could ask for and we or at least I fell harder and faster than anticipated. The worst type of man is one that can come in and make a woman feel, make a woman believe, make a woman fall with no intentions of catching her or protecting the heart that he opened up. So after a very intense month, I went back to what I knew, see although my ex may have been unfaithful, he was loyal to me in the sense of he might not have played his role in the spotlight but whatever I needed, he provided emotionally, physically, financially, etc.
One day while opening a business account at a local bank, the representative was explaining how you were only allowed to make a certain amount of transfers, or withdrawals without penalty. While sitting in his office I had an epiphany that made things so much clearer. People will withdraw from the bank of YOU, without making any deposits. So it leaves you emotionally drained and overdrawn. The bad part is I couldn’t blame him because, I allowed it happen. I came to the realization that I really did love him more than I loved myself. I have a tattoo that says, “Love conquers all.” Although, that may be true, the love you have for yourself, has to be greater than the love you have for others, otherwise you will be bankrupt without anything to offer anyone. So learn self-preservation, learn how to love you and learn how to foster and maintain a healthy balance of individuality when in a relationship. More importantly make sure you give your heart to someone who deserves it, is worth the headache that comes with relationships and will protect your heart.
Are you loving someone more than you are loving yourself and being neglectful to your own needs? Is there someone you need to cut off because they are making too many withdrawals? Access and evaluate because self-preservation is key!